


all our life is but a dream

by basement_eyes



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Platonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-06-13 03:42:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19592701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/basement_eyes/pseuds/basement_eyes
Summary: after a car wreck that left ryan comatose, (y/n) has been heartbroken. everyone else has lost hope, yet (y/n) still holds on. will their determination pay off?





	all our life is but a dream

_"i'm so excited to see you again!" you exclaimed over the phone. "you've been on tour for so long."_

_"yeah, i know, it's been forever. i can't wait to see you either," ryan said. "when i get back, we're going to have so much--"_

_his words got cut off by the sound of screeching tires and clashing metal. you heard screams._

_"ryan? ryan! brendon, spencer, can you hear me? what's going on?" you yelled. you looked down at your phone, tears brimming in your eyes. "fuck, i hope you're okay."_

your eyes shot open, tears threatening to spill. the chair you were sitting in was uncomfortable, but you had gotten used to it. tightly clasped in your hand was ryan's, who's pale form lay on white hospital bed.

ever since the accident, he had been comatose, and you had slept beside him almost the whole time. it had been a few weeks, and he still hadn't woken up.

you glanced at the heart monitor, wiping tears from your eyes. it had a steady beat. you sighed and stood up, gently placing his arm beside him. you leaned down to give him a kiss on his forehead.

"i love you, ryan. please, just fucking wake up. i'll do anything, i just want to talk to you again."

a knock on the door was heard and in came a nurse, smiling sadly at you. you averted your gaze.

"do you think he'll be awake soon?" you asked hopefully, although you already knew the answer.

_we don't know for sure, but he probably won't wake up._

"at this point, it could go either way, sweetie. i'm sorry."

you sighed, grabbing your bag and leaving the room.

~

you got to your house, and were walking towards your room when your phone went off. you pressed the answer button, yawning.

"hey, brendon."

"hey (y/n), wanna meet up for breakfast at the place we used to always go to in highschool? i'll pay and you can order the biggest stack of pancakes you want."

you chuckled. "thanks for the offer, bren, but i'll have to pass. i'm not too hungry."

"come on, at least come hang out? i haven't seen you in a week, and we used to hang out every day," he argued.

"fine, fine. you're lucky i love you."

you heard a laugh. "yeah, i really am."

~

you gently pushed open the glass door of the small restaurant, letting the nostalgic smell of warm chocolate fill your nostrils. you spotted brendon sitting in a corner booth, looking at his phone.

he jumped a little when you sat down, a wide smile stretching across his face. "i already ordered you a drink, i hope you don't mind. it's chocolate milk."

"my favorite. how'd you know?" you joked.

"lucky guess."

a few minutes in of him telling you what he's been doing in the week you guys didn't talk, a waitress came over. she took your orders; you and brendon both ordered chocolate chip pancakes.

"so," he said when she had left. "what have you been up to?"

you looked down at the table. "nothing much."

he reached over and took your hands. "sitting with ryan?"

you nodded, eyes glistening. you blinked, wiping it with your sleeve.

"you know, (y/n), that i want him to be better, too. we all do. it's just," he hesitated. you looked up at him. his face was full of sadness. "wanting it doesn't mean it'll happen."

you nod again. "i-i know. it's just, he was -- no, he is -- my best friend. and i don't want him to go. he's my better half, brendon. i miss him."

he squeezed your hand comfortingly. "yeah, i do too."

the waitress came back with your food, and you laughed. brendon looked quizzically at you.

"what?" he questioned.

"oh my god, do i look that sad?"

you showed him your pancake, which had a smiley face made out of the chocolate chips. you were still giggling, and brendon started laughing, and soon you two couldn't stop.

after a while it died down, and you two started eating, a content smile on your faces.

~

you two got done at the restaurant, and brendon had to go do things, which left you alone.

you started walking home, putting in your earbuds. you were humming the lyrics to a random fall out boy song when you got home. you turned up the volume and took out your earbuds, blasting the music through your speaker.

you flopped onto the couch, sighing contently. a loud ringing woke you up from where you'd been sleeping on the couch. it had only seemed like a few minutes before you had gotten home, altough the time on your lockscreen said otherwise.

you scrambled to turn it off, pressing answer before looking at the caller id.

"hello, is this (y/n) (y/l/n)?" a somber yet professional-sounding voice asked.

"um, yeah, who is this?"

"this is dr. blanchard. i presume you know ryan ross?"

"oh um, yeah. did something happen?" you gulped, scared.

"yes. i am very sorry to say, but your friend passed. we tried everything we could to save him, but he was too far gone."

you breathed out, arms falling limp at your sides. you couldn't believe it. your best friend was gone, just like that.

"hello? are you still there?"

"yeah. thanks for letting me know."

"you're welcome. we had to look through his phone to find the emergency contacts, of which you were at the top. i can promise you that he cared for you."

"yeah. i fucking know. as i said before, thanks for the info. bye."

you hung up, shaking. _this can't be real. i'm dreaming. this is a dream._

you didn't register the knock on the door or the door being opened until somebody was pulling you to their chest.

"hey, it'll be okay. just breathe," they lulled. _brendon._

you let out a shaky breath, wrapping your arms tightly around him. the tears starting flowing as you started to really realize what had happened.

"ryan is dead," you mumbled. you could barely breathe.

"what?" brendon asked, leaning closer.

"ryan is fucking dead."

he sighed. "it'll be okay. he loved you. he'll want you to move on."

you whispered under your breath, the words barely audible. you and brendon held each other for a long, long time.

_i love you, ryan._


End file.
